Even when we lost all hope, Kenneth was there for us. :)

A review of Amazon Sellers Attorney by JenLight
United States United States
Kudos: 15
Joined: Jun 12, 2019
Even when we lost all hope, Kenneth was there for us. :)
12 Jun 2019
Our company has done FBA (Fulfillment by Amazon) for a couple of products for almost a decade now with no problems - until a single customer submitted a review of 1 product claiming that she must have received a used unit instead of new. The Amazon bot went on red alert and put a special prohibition on our account disallowing us to continue sending manufacturer inventory to our own listing as it had determined based on that review that we submit inventory in used condition.

After 3 months of total black hattery from Amazon seller support, we were stumped; in the past, we had always been able to at least use plain English to communicate our issue, often even to an actual human being in seller support. We were to learn that Amazon "product quality" team & "seller compliance" are a completely different source of evil, equipped with staggering proportions of incompetence & forced to use canned responses they apparently cannot even read / comprehend themselves.

These treacherous gatekeepers of the 10th circle of hell (FBA) do not speak any common language known to mankind, but rather they skim via filter or algorithm of some esoteric manner that only reads "Plans of Actions" in the language of Bezos. These Plans of Actions must be styled in a middle school-style outline suited to a 2 year old's reading level, and require the seller to lie extensively in order to account for Amazon's epic failures. We attempted to craft our own PoA in the language of America's presiding bald satan of commerce, yet we could not lie cleverly enough suit the devils. Self-contradicting canned responses threatening to close our seller account for the offense of their own team's illiteracy left us perplexed.

We had wasted enough time and vexation on this maddening rabbit hole into Jeff Bezos' catacombs of commercial futility - it was time to call in the experts. Kenneth Eades and his cohorts at Amazon Sellers Attorney spared me an unimaginable amount of frustration and possibly an aneurysm. I pray to all heavenly deities he is granted whatever spiritual and material manifestations of bliss he seeks for the mind-breaking labor he performs.

After paying the quite cheap one-time fee and signing the contract, we sent his team all the information we had about our situation. It was a lot! Yet he & his team reviewed the materials and fully grasped the nuances & complexities in less than 24 hours and got us started with a proper plan of action and email draft.

This was not to be a quick battle - no, many canned responses were punted in the dark of night, many emails bolded for months. He wrote endless email drafts for us, immaculately formatted and always emphasizing correctly the exact idiot hypocrisy revealed in each of Jeff Bezo's representatives' responses. Yet Kenneth's team was with us every step of the way. Not only did his team draft a truly astonishing number of emails for us, but they delivered them quickly at the merest ping, and were quick to answer our questions with honesty, even when the truth was painful.

By month 8, we had truly begun to lose hope, nonetheless... would Amazon agents ever learn to read? Are American children doomed to be illiterate, just like this? How far has our civilization fallen, and how much further can it fall? Finally, and by no means due to any extraordinary change in the materials we had presented over and over again the past several months, a random literate agent received our most recent draft from Kenneth we had sent off. With no explanation given for the delay or decision, we were re-approved. The suffering is over........ for now.

And if... when... those numb, blind wraiths of FBA incompetence drag us once more to their mindless hell of soundless, futile screaming... you better bet it'll be Amazon Sellers Attorney we turn to once more. Godspeed you beautiful angels and thank you for everything you've done for us.
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